Monday, June 6, 2011

Mental Monday's

Welcome to my weekly blog instalment called Mental Monday's. A day for me to bitch about something without putting it into my regular posts. You are warned. These posts I don't hold back, and sometimes involves a lot of swearing.

.....feel free to add any bitches of yours into the comment section!!!

1. The Solar Bikini: This "thing" allows you to plug in a device via a USB port and get's power from the sun. Just don't forget to unplug it before you go into the water......or else what??? do you get electrocuted??? Most items you bring to the beach have rechargeable batteries for this reason, most beaches don't have outlets. I'm sorry but I would be concerned with frying my nipples off.....

Charge your favourite gadgets while getting a nice tan.

2. 24K Gold Plated BBQ Grill: Is this really necessary to cook a frickin' steak? $164,000 for this backyard monstrosity. This is a one-of-a-kind BBQ.....I hope to hell it stays that way too. You better invest in some great security at home, cause I know people would be hopping my fence to steal this shit.

For people who want to make a statement, with money to burn.

3. Great Wall of Vagina: Yes I said Vagina. Jamie McCartney has spent the last 5 years taking plaster moulds of over 400 women vagina's aged 18-76. He does this to prove the point that every woman is different. NO SHIT SHERLOCK. Anyone that thinks all pussy's look the same is about as dumb as your piece of artwork (my opinion only remember?) 

4. Easy Gym: This is a gym in Spain that is offering Naked Workouts. That's right people, working out in the nude. That's just what I want, while running on the tread mill, to look over and see some guys dick waging back and forth and slapping off his inner thighs with that awful thwap, thwap sound. You know what I'm taking about right? Or going to sit down at a weight machine and seeing ball sweat on the bench. This is a ridiculous idea.

Doing sports without clothes is natural and much more comfy

5. Bacon Perfume: Just what I have been looking for. Something to have all the neighbourhood dogs chasing me on my nightly walks. Who the fuck wants to smell like bacon, or any kind of meat for that matter? I know sometimes women are referred to as pieces of meat, but this is taking it way to far.

Elevate people's moods using a combination of bacon, essential oils & herbs

6. Urine Injections for Fat Loss: You read that right, you inject pregnant woman's urine into your body to speed up your metabolism for a more effective weight loss. The hormone HCG tricks your brain into thinking that your pregnant thus metabolizing faster.  This is beyond normal. I mean if your into taking "golden showers" the more power to ya. I don't hate. But this is crazy!!!.....shooting peoples piss into you is messed up.

"When I took a shot I was never hungry"

7. Fattest Woman in the World: Donna Simpson you should be ashamed of yourself. Wanting & trying to be the fattest woman in the world is the most fucked up thing I have ever heard of. She is currently 600lbs and trying to reach her goal of 1000lbs.  She has already been acknowledged by Guinness for being the "Fattest Mother in the World"...Gee congrats on that, your parents must be so proud of your accomplishments. The shittiest thing is that her kid is 3. This woman is going to leave this child motherless because of her stupidity.

"I only eat 12,000 calories a day"

8. Willow Sage: No I am not talking about a tree, or an herb. I'm talking about what Pink & Carey Hart named their little baby girl. It actually sounds like a new Ralph Lauren paint color. "Oh Honey what do you think of painting the kitchen Willow Sage, I think it would go amazing with the maple cabinets" Famous people are being ridiculous with names these days....Apple, Pilot, Fifi, Coco, Kyd, Rocket, Ocean, Blue, Audio, Moxie and my personal fav Jermajesty.

What should we name our next one? How about Pine Cilantro?

9. Cock Flavoured Soup Mix: Do you really think they couldn't have come up with a better name for this product? While I am married to a man, and enjoy the "cock" from time to time, this is the last thing that I would like to read on my soup label. How about about me getting your chips called megapussi dear?

10. Booty Pop Panties: Just watch the video, and form your own opinion.

That's all I got for this week peeps......thanks for reading!!!


  1. Where do you find this stuff??? that solar bikini takes the cake.

    My Mental Monday rants:
    I hate when people work out right next to me even where there’s 10 free machines to my left or right.
    I hate people who jump out into traffic and start crossing without so much as a glance to oncoming vehicles.
    I hate co-workers who come into your office, even when your door is closed.

  2. i think by far the HCG diet takes the cake here. that is the most moronic thing I've ever heard of. However, bootypop pants just crack me up! :)

    exercising naked is not something i ever want to do though. i flap around enough during my routine with clothes on!

  3. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!! Wow that is the most hilarious thang ever!!! What store sells the Cock Soup mix and the MegaPussi Chips?? WTF and why?? LMAO! The booty pop thing sucks! The butt doesn't even look real with it on. The vagina wall was weird, I didn't know HCG diet they inject pregnant women pee... Uhh EWWW that's gross!!! But hey if it rocks there boat I guess. That was a great laugh! Thank you :D

  4. A wall of vag. I have no words. I choked on my porridge.

    Yesterday I wished that I could somehow shoot fireballs & knives out the end of my fingers......

    The fat lady would be first in line. I bet she'd smell like bacon.

    Our hooch there in the solar bikini would be second. Just because.


  5. I'm still literally LOLing over this post. Girl, you are HILARIOUS!!!!

  6. I just came across your blog--and what a fucking fantastic day to discover you! Effing hilarious.

  7. HILARIOUS!! Love it!! Where on earth do you find this stuff??? Just goes to show that there really is a lot of crazy shit out there!! Thanks for a great post!!!

  8. Wow, 12,000 calories per day. Sadface.

  9. That solar bikini has GOT to be a joke. Looks like some college kids took the pic as a general prank... I mean there's just no way! lol. Plus that bitch needs to eat a sandwich. And as for the nudie gym. That's disgusting. People wear clothes to protect themselves and their dangly bits. It's just too grodie to think about, hopping on a stationary bicycle after some nasty man's sweaty asshole has been rubbing all over it. EW!

  10. Pussi is bag in Finnish. So it is a mega bag of chips.


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